Pomegranates and Passersby: 300 Steps to Doi Suthep

Craziest looking fruit, crazy name too: Gnuee (said in bottom of throat with chin sticking out)> words verbatim from my notebook

The flesh of the fruit appears

... and it gets eaten- delish! Photo credit: Rita <3

My room!!

I locked my host mom in the kitchen! That is my “lede” for this post. I was sitting around idly before dinner (as usual… I haven’t figured out how to help in the kitchen yet) but thought I would extend my nightly offer for the 6^th night in a row. Khun me politely declined (as usual), so I tiptoed away to do… nothing, trying not to give off too much of disappointment.

I’m learning that there is a lot of harm in trying too hard not to make mistakes. When you try too hard, embarrassing situations seem to find you even more scar-ingly than you expect. I work myself into a big hole of embarrassment, where my desire to apologize, communicate, or just prove that I’m not as clumsy and forgetful as I come off, overwhelm me in an exasperated heap of silence. There is a point where there is no use making excuses, no use apologizing for a 87^th time, and no use saying it will never happen again, because of a deep fear/certainty that it will.

The previous day, Khun Me had grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the sliding door that I had left open a few inches and closed it tightly. “No snake, no mosquito” she had said, and I had pounded my head against the wall that I had neglected to do something as simple as close the door all the way. Well, back to me walking out of the kitchen: walking away from her in her apron and cooking cap, feeling disappointed and unhelpful, that moment of being taught to close a door tightly was fresh in my head. Wanting to remind myself (and others) that I really am a good house guest, I left the kitchen, and shut that double door tight, as tight as it would go, jabbing the stick we use to lock up at night through the two meeting handles. I brushed my hands together as I walked away, not one mosquito could get through that door... and neither could a human. A few minutes later I heard banging and my name being called, more muffled than usual behind the closed doors, and everything terrible came washing over me. How do you explain why you to put the stick through the handles of the kitchen door locking your host mother inside? I certainly don’t have the Thai vocabulary for that.

I am realizing other things about myself, too: I think of myself as neat, but stood for a few minutes in my room one day, putting myself in the shoes of a host. I am disgusting. There was hair all over the bathroom floor, my suitcases lay open on the ground, only half unpacked next to my giant armoire, my bed was unmade, and all of my personal belongings were in messy piles on the floor underneath the windows. I did a quick clean up, and hope to get better at putting my stuff away! This evening after I had gone in my room, Yod came up the stairs calling my name, so I came out to talk to him. “Excuse me Charlotte, I have to tell you something” he said, and came over to my door. “Don’t slam the door like this,” he said, pulling at it forcefully, “Turn the handle like this and then close” he scrunched up his shoulders and cocked his head poised for a perfectly silent door closing. We had already been warned at school not to “slam” our doors because Thai people think of Americans as noisy. I don’t know why this couldn’t just stick in my head. The Thai word for foreigners is “farang”. When Khun Me talks about the foreign teachers at Yod’s school, she turns her nose up, and pinches it. Yikes. But, for as many mistakes as I make, I put that much more effort into my Thai, so that when we can actually communicate with one another, all of my positive qualities will overshadow these circumstances! Khun Me is very kind, and though I think she understands, I can't help but feel stupid most of the time.

This weekend I want to make homemade pizza for my family. They said someone made it once before, but the crust was too hard, so I am on mission soft-crust. We were supposed to go shopping today for the ingredients and make the pizza for dinner, but by the time we were done with the bathing suit affair it was 5:00pm and Yod had tutoring at 6, so we didn’t have enough time. We came home only to find that Yod’s tutor had canceled, so we went our for pizza… the exact kind they LOVE. I think it is called like the Pizza Palace or something, but they tell me it is “same same Pizza Hut”, and it pretty much was. They were so excited to go, and enjoyed the food so much, I don’t have the inspiration to try to out-bake the processed food perfection. The pizza had like a velveeta coat instead of tomato sauce, then cheese, and then ham, pineapple, and shrimp on top. Not what I personally would have ordered, but it was pretty heavenly, the way that kind of food can be. It was also the first time I had eaten something so familiar since leaving home, so that felt good too.

This week I was definitely feeing the “W”’s that are embedded within the overall W curve of study abroad emotions. There were highs and lows, my low being on Wednesday when I felt like I had no friends, was never going to be able to remember even one word of Thai, and that my host family hated me. But then on Thursday did a complete 180, loving school and friends, and forgetting my Thai notebook in my carpool’s car but coming home with Thai spilling out of my mouth, not even wanting or needing it at all (Hallelujiah, my brain works! Just some minor technical difficulties). Another high came on Friday when we climbed a nearby mountain to visit the Doi Suthep Temple on top. Even though I was sweating barrels and it rained and was suffocatingly hot at the same time and mosquitoes ended up smushed dead into my sweat, it was breathtaking and I got blessed by a monk and a white cotton bracelet for good fortune and happiness. I’m feeling its blessing already :) There is a soft rain outside, kissing my room with cool air… hopefully it will take me less than a sweaty hour to fall asleep tonight!

xoxox

That "filmy" looking layer on this picture is a massive spider web, I hope you can see it...

Chiang Mai <3

The mosts sustainable lunch box... purple sticky rice, chicken and pumpkin greens wrapped in a banana leaf, with a little banana leaf packet of chili paste for flavoring