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" 'Obsessive thinking will eventually wear a hole in your mind' --Michael Lipsey. Word. My brains like swiss cheese." -C. K. Shannon

Saturday 30 July 2011

The Steele family Saga: Part 1

Sorry I have been out of touch for the last week and a half... coming home for me means going non -stop all day and getting 5 and 6 hours of sleep each night, until I make it successfully to Ohio for the Synchronized Skating Training Festival 2011. Whew!
I love this picture because of Margret's face, I love her so much :)
For those of you who don't know, I am on the Western Michigan University Synchronized Skating Team, a sport that I am competitive in as a part of my college experience. It is something that has found me and become a huge part of who I am. I'm sure I will blog about it much later when we are traveling around the country, but it's just some context for now. The festival I am at is for any skater who wants to train with the top coaches from Team USA for a weekend, and it is one of the most educational times of my life! I just love it. This is my third year going.

We recently took our annual trip up to the Adirondack Mountains and I knocked off another high peak on my list of way to becoming a 46er (hiking the 46 high peaks in the Adirondacks, all over 3800 feet). Seymour mountain took my Dad, Lily and I 16 miles and nearly 7 hours to climb, but it was so worth it.

While up, we began telling old stories, and I would like to share one that is particularly pertinent to my childhood, and as they occur to me, will continue to share them in different "parts" of the Steele Family saga. (It's not really a saga, I just chose that word for alliteration...)

Once upon a time, there were two parents and they had three little girls, Charlotte, Lily and Frances. They were fairly close in age, and all pretty young, maybe 5, 3 and 1 year old (Frances being in a high chair). Some of the scariest times of their childhood took place around the dinner table. Dinner was at approximately 5:00 each evening. The girl's mother would not let them drink cows milk when they were younger because of the added hormones. So Charlotte drank rice milk, Lily drank Soy milk, and Frances drank goats milk. This little particularity captures the Steele girl's eating habits perfectly. However, because they were not getting the calcium they needed from "cows milk" their mom made them eat dark leafy greens" (spinach and chard to make up for it). But you can't exactly put these veggies on a 3 year old's plate and expect her to eat them, so she would puree them into this weird green pudding in the food processor and mix them with applesauce... supposedly this made it taste better. So, each night with dinner, the girls would get their very own bowl of pureed vegetables and would have to eat the WHOLE THING. No excuses. Now, easily defeated, logically minded mothers would motivate their children to eat their pureed vegetables with some kind of reward like dessert or money or something. (actually easily defeated, logically minded mothers wouldn't feed their kids pureed vegetables in he first place...) But this brilliant, ever determined mother would do no such thing to outweigh the value of the delicious side dish she required her children to eat. So, in order to persuade her unconvinced toddlers, she would become "witchy witch".
"hehehehehehe...." she would say, in her witchy witch voice, hand mangled around the spoon with a big bite of green applesauce spilling off of it, "My name is witchy witch and I'm here to make sure you eat your pureed vegetables" between the mangles hand, her protruding retainer neglected teeth, high cackling voice,  and the occasional witch hat with blue hair that she would put on for effect, our mouths would drop robotically and gobble down the vegetables, but they were NASTY. I mean, easily gagged upon, but they just wanted it to be over they would gobble them down anyways. Now, just for a moment, imagine that you were a gusher-feeding mother, walking in on this scene. I don't know about you, but I might call diphus. I would be a little freaked out by the hovering mother, cackling in her kids faces to get them to open their mouths to shovel in applesauce flavored spinach.

That's all for now, folks, more stories to come, sorry for the rushed-ness, but we have full days here in Ohio... I have learned so much today and met so many great skaters. I can't wait to bring what I am learning back to my team. Thanks for reading!

Goodnight moon, please give any other veggie-feeding mother witches into a bit more sanity!
xoxo

Tuesday 19 July 2011

How to Successfully Poach an Egg!

Something that by nature seems so intimidating and scary, is actually quite simple. I'm finding that with most things these days. I seem to be under the impression that I have to "learn how" to do things that I could easily to by following simple instructions, or instinct for that matter.
The scariness of poaching eggs made me feel like Julie Powell, from Julie and Julia... but hey, that's one of the most followed blogs in history, so maybe this post will get me off the ground!


So I can't take entire credit for this feat because it is really the detailed description and photos of this person's encounters with poached eggs that allowed me to be successful, so I'm just going to add in my commentary and maybe make a "how to" video at some point. The bottom line is, if you are someone who shys away from this because you don't feel capable, YOU ARE! and you should try this because it is one one of the fastest cooking and most delicious breakfast delicacies.

http://smittenkitchen.com/2008/08/how-to-poach-an-egg-smitten-kitchen-style/

^ This is the person with real skill...their directions were so succinct and specific. So, based off of their expertise, this is how you poach an egg:

1) Fill a medium sized pot with 3-4 inches of water. It's not bad to have it full, because then the egg has more room to float around, and won't get suck to the bottom of the pot as much.

2) Bring the water almost to a boil, the point where there are bubbles shooting up, and even some are bubbling over. The other instructions say to bring the water to just before a boil when the bubbles are stationary on the bottom of the pot, but I found that this wasn't quit warm enough because then you then mix the water, some of the heat escapes, and it brings it back down again, so I would keep the water at just boiling. Of course, if the water is hotter the egg with cook faster, and cooler it will cook slower, and I thought I would prefer the egg to cook slower, but then it fills with more water and there are more opportunities for it to fall apart. So, if you're comfortable, hotter is better.

3) While the water is boiling, crack a preferably farm fresh ;) egg into a small bowl with slippery sides. This will ease the process of dropping the egg into the water rather than having to crack it on the spot, which is the stressful part.

4) Hold the small bowl with the egg in it in your left hand and begin stirring the summering water (again, just barely active) with your right hand (or the opposite if you're left handed) using a spatula. Mix at a medium speed in a uniform circle to being a whirlpool in the middle of the pot. The mixing should be fast enough so that when you remove the spatula, the water continues to whirl. Do this, and then slip the egg into the center of the whirlpool so that the water naturally begins to wrap the whites around the yolk.

5) This was one of the most important parts for me: DO NOT PANIC AT THIS POINT. The egg might look like a whispy mess of floating foam, but it will reform! While the egg is in the water, gently nudge the sides with a rubber spatula or spoon, and let the egg take care of itself. They're not all going to look the same, and they're not all going to be perfectly wrapped, but if you keep your composure and be calm about it, it will naturally poach.

6) After non chalantly pushing the egg for 3-4 minutes, you will notice that the egg is congregating around the yolk. You will also notice that some of the egg white is floating around in the water: this is non reclaimable egg, and at this point it is better not to try to round it up with the rest. Using a spoon with holes in it. remove the egg and poke it... it should be firm but give a little bit in the center, and if you like your yolks hard, leave it for longer because in that case you really can't overcook it.

7) Once the egg seems cooks sufficiently, serve with salt and pepper, or on a piece of toast! Enjoy the soft oozing of the yolk s you cut into it, and let it melt in your mouth. If you are making many to serve later, lower them into warm water for a moment just before serving to warm them again. You can also re use the same pot of water for many eggs over. Once finished with the first egg, wait for the water to come to a simmer again as you will have released a lot of heat while pushing the egg around.

Some important things to remember: the first poach egg will be like the first pancake on a newly hot griddle... trying to find its niche in a warming space, and probably not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen as a result. Don't be discouraged! The second egg is often much easier as the water has now found unity with its cooking candidate, and is much more cooperative. Give yourself a few eggs to get used to it. Remember: anyone of anyone can do this! Give it a try! It's a quick, delicious, and oil-less way to egg up your life.

No goodnight for now because it's bright and early in  Galen and Zekiah's world! I woke up this morning to a nice rendition of "It's 6:30 and it's time to wake up!" Over and over again :) love them.
With that, oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, waffles are cooking for breakfast it's gonna be a great day!

Monday 18 July 2011

A Meeting of Friends

I've just finished remodeling my blog, hopefully it will be easier to read now. This new design is per recommendation of the Rick, the blogger who inspired me. He is an accomplished writer, community member, global humanitarian, father, husband, and just human being in general. His latest post is an elaboration of his thought which he shared out loud today during our Quaker meeting.

So yes... I went to my first Quaker meeting! And what a meeting it was. It exceeded my expectations, and evaporated the presumptions I was realizing I had. No Quaker Oats man greeted us at the door, no hard wooden benches that make your bottom go numb, no Salem Witch Trials happening in the next field over, (yes, I know that the trials were an issue of the Puritans, not sure how this happened in my head...) and no black top hats and shoes with buckles on them! Quite the contrary, actually, a nice old, very normally dressed woman greeted us at the door, and lead us into a very cozy, living room style circle of chairs and couches (yes couches- part of the reason why I began nodding off- keep reading), where other very normal and actually quite lovely people greeted us and made small talk, and after a moment, the room was in silence- staying that way for one hour. All eyes closed, all spirits and hearts open and communicating.

After doing some reading last night, and talking to Sarah and Rick, this is what I have come to know and admire about Quakerism. Every person at the meeting has his or her own agenda and own relationship with the "God" or "Divine Spirit" (I don't quite know who mine is yet- of course for most quakers this is "God") they are worshipping. In such a meeting, God is revealed inwardly and channeled through what the person may be asking for/praying about/thinking about at that time, relying on this spirit for guidance and power based on where they are in their life at that time. There is no preaching, reading, singing, standing or kneeling, only meditating and communicating inwardly. Then, if someone is feeling passionately, and like they have come up with something insightful to share, (as Rick did), they might say it out loud, but expect no response from the rest of the Friends, as they do with the thought what they may, and either use it to guide their thoughts or decide it isn't worth pondering. Rick's insight about the weather raised many different questions about society and re-triggored all of the many things that I have been thinking about lately in terms of what we really need to live a quality life and make us happy. I highly recommend that you read his post.
The Quakers are a Religious Society of Friends. They live simply, but not under law, do not discriminate, believe in non-violence, are open minded to new values, beliefs and opinions, and value truth as it exists in terms of personal morals. The Quakers strive to find the good in everyone, and wholeheartedly believe that it is there.
This is the sect of religion that feels the best to me thus far, it feels the most forgiving, but has the guidance which I already use for myself. When I want a mold to curl up into, or a chameleon skin to put on, it seems like a good candidate, so I had high expectations for the meeting. I thought I would use the time to mull everything over that had been cooking in my head, and follow a suggested agenda in one of the pamphlets I had read the night before: thank God, enjoy his presence, hold up other people or situations for God to ponder, and then listen: but it proved to be harder than I thought.

Like I said before, I was sitting on a cushy, cushy couch. That was mistake number one. Everyone's eyes began to close at the start of the meeting: 10:31. I started out with lots of things to think about... I was being thankful, I was looking to the past, the future... and the coolest thing was probably that I could feel a strong spiritual presence not only with the people around me but with the spirit or God that had entered the room, I knew someone was listening. I did a good share of talking, letting my stream of consciousness guide me. Then, I tried to listen. After a few moments I couldn't hear anything, so I peeked through the teeniest hole possible in my eyelids, at my watch: 10:52. Immediately I scolded myself and decided I wouldn't do it again for the rest of the meeting, but slumped my shoulders at the thought of 40 more minutes of listening. Eventually I began doing that thing you see old women do where I was starting to doze in an upright position, and my head would fall back until I snapped it back up. I tried to stay awake, but my eyes were closed... I felt a bit option-less. Finally I gave into resting my head on the back of the couch, and I was gone- a little morning doze. I awoke to Rick's insightful comment, and resented the fact that I had not thought about such intellectual ponderings and had wasted 40 valuable minutes. Ah well, goal for the next meeting: be a better listener!

We finished the day berry picking... those delightful things hat I told you about before, thimbleberries, have now made their way into 3 jars of tastebud-melting jam. Tell me you're not jealous. If I could bring one thing to a dessert island with me it would be thimbleberries. The jam is multifaceted... I couldn't stop licking our cooking equipment, and Sarah suggested that I replace my pint of Ben and Jerry's with it on lonely nights. hey, if you need your fruit serving... I totally would.

Better than butter!
Good Night Moon... please grow me some thimbleberries in New Jersey?
xoxox

Friday 15 July 2011

Thimbleberries

Sounds like a fairy tale right? Well every day I'm seeing that fairy tales aren't just fantasy. Thimbleberries are my new favorite fruit... we ate them today along the railroad tracks coming home from the swimming hole. They look exactly like raspberries and literally melt upon contact with humans, meaning consumption and even picking them. They taste like pie. Like everything that a raspberry is in pie filling with butter and sugar, only all by itself. It's heaven.

I also had one of those meals that there are no words for, only smiles, today. It was our "mid-day" meal on the farm, and we had been putting heavy beams up on the roof of the addition to the cabin all morning, and Chad (the handy builder man) was over helping, so Sarah cooked a beyond extraordinary meal for us.
It started with bread, which I just copied down the recipe for. This bread is like nothing you have ever tasted before... it is like flatbread but so chewy and warm, and dressed with olive oil, herbs, and lemon and garlic powder. It's hypnotizing.
She then had homemade pasta with scape pesto and parmesan cheese which was to die for. I would have eaten like 4 platefuls if I could have. Love was just emanating from everything, and it felt so warm and cozy to eat it, my belly was to grateful at the end. This is the kind of food that gives us warmth and life, and I intend to make it for people! (note: the only other meal I could think of that rivaled this one was a Mitnick meal of that marinated steak... OH MY GOSH)

I definitely worked my arm muscles today, hoisting massively heavy beams onto the roof with Rick and Chad, but also learned that anything building-related is possible, it doesn't even matter how big or strong you are. Leverage makes anything possible. Thanks Chad (great guy-- kept saying "Beautiful" with each hoist of the beams, and "eh?" after every other sentence)!

I had a nearly internet free day... slowly weening off... going to go reply to some emails now...
wahhhh

Good night moon, take good care of Rick's roof tonight!
xoxox

Thursday 14 July 2011

Dirty Digging, and Dancing

The rest of the day was absolute bliss, starting with planting in the rain, getting all muddy and then sitting in the hot tub to watch the rest of the storm. Ah! why don't I relax more again? I then had to FORCE myself to go on a run (my first one in a month!) which I hate, hate, hate to do, and couldn't have been happier when I passed a park ranger who told me I had to stop IMMEDIATELY because there had been a mountain lion sighting in the area! I didn't see it, but sure was glad to have the excuse to walk :/

I came back to do some 8 minute abs, and took a long hot bath, a nap, and then couldn't resist the warmth of the decomposing grass pile (I just love that thing)! so went out for another load. On my way over the fence, I stopped at the top of the ladder and just gazed out at the incredible scenery for about 45 minutes.

Came into the house to meet the adorable boys I have heard so much about, and finished the day with a bowl of buttery popcorn in front of Dirty Dancing with Sarah and Rick... my new favorite movie... I am getting so cultured here!

Love it :)

Goodnight Moon, please bring me more baths, ladders in meadows, mountain lions, and must-see movies?

xoxox

Wednesday 13 July 2011

The Pecking Order

Lesson of the morning: if I am ever homeless in the winter time (or through any cold weather for that matter) I will seek warmth in a pile of decomposing mown grass> all other potentially homeless people, take note!
Loading the grass into a wheelbarrow to put on the garden beds, I nearly burned myself! The grass was warm, fluffy and smelled like a flowery meadow. It was all I could do not to dive into the into the middle and just sit there with grass up to my neck, waiting for someone to notice my absence and come feed me.

Today I am sooo hung over from my crazy night last night. ugh... I just hate that. (just kidding...) Rick and Sarah have gone to get Galen and Zekiah from Victoria and I have the day to myself on the farm. There are lots of things I would like to do, but I started with the chickens because they were in need of food, water, egg collecting, and well, just some talking to.
I'm a little permanently freaked out because I definitely saw the dark side of these violently pecking buggers (one of Sarah's favorite words) today. First of all, we moved eight new chickens into the bigger coop with the other chickens last night, and when I opened the door this morning was the first time that they saw their new roommates in the daylight. It wasn't pretty. It took about 5 minutes to coax the outsider from their roost in the corner, they were so scared to plunge into the new society. Once they finally emerged and were being semi-social, the rooster who isn't used to having them began chicken bullying them: chasing them around and pecking at them, which he has continued to do all morning. Apparently there's not much I can do.

Meanwhile, I let those guys make friends, and went in to feed the little chicks, who appeared to be very hungry as there are many of them, and only one little feeder for them all. So that they would calm down while I filled the feeder, I sprinkled a small pile of feed into the middle of the box as an appetizer. This was a horrible mistake, and when I pulled back the curtain to replace the filled feeder, there was the outline of a chick who had been trampled into the ground by his siblings, his feathers matted and damp, clearly having kicked the bucket (figuratively).

I can't get that image out of my mind!!!! I need happiness!! ahhhhhh

It's about mid-day now and I'm off to the garden to do some more planting/weeding.

Monks in Mayhem and Muff Diving

When your hands smell like Lemon Balm and garlic, you know it has been a good day... and especially a good birthday.

Opening up my computer to over 200 wall posts makes me feel warm and fuzzy!!! I feel so loved! Thanks everyone!
The beer I just had at the pub in Duncan (legally... might I add...) is icing on the cake. **thanks Sarah and Rick! I could not have celebrated more appropriately! We had sushi and then went to the pub, and then came home to perform a 19th birthday canadian tradition known as Muff (women's pubic hair) Diving. It involves a plate of whipped cream with liquor in the middle and no hands... enough said. I'm glad I could be exposed to this respectable aspect of Canadian culture :p

When we came back we moved the big chickens that were in with the chicks over to a different coop so the chicks could spread out. It felt kind of like smuggling, but we needed to do it in the dark so that they wouldn't freak out and start pecking each other. Funnily enough in the morning when they find new friends they'll just assume they had been there all along.

Something I have never realized is how much fun it would be to share my birthday with someone, and today I did. Sarah and I were both born on July 12th, and what a July 12th it was. Starting with a massive strawberry shortcake for breakfast (thanks Rick) we were referenced to as the "birthday girls" for the rest of the day. I spent most of today harvesting: fava beans, and peas both for chomping and shelling. I then tied lemon and mint (hence the DELICIOUS smelling hands). The only embarrassing part of the day was chasing Bella, the only white rooster in a full 360 around the chicken coop, freaking out that she will run away only to bump into Rick and realize that she is the only one that can fly, frequently spending her days outside!

The other thing that I appreciated about this birthday was community. The visitors and little gifts that Sarah received today were priceless, yet so, so meaningful. I feel so luck to have been able to share it with her, and have gained a lot of new perspective today about what a gift and a celebration really means.

I am so, so thankful for all of my friends, but I'm not allowing myself enough facebook time to go through and "like" every single post... in fact there will be no more facebook time for me for the rest of my trip, except to post the link to these blogs.

Other things:
Sarah's mantra is: I live my life with ease and I have abundant time and support to get through each day (or something like that). I am adopting it for myself :)
I haven't decided where I land on the scale of completely conscious living versus wasteful and passive living, but everything I'm learning here is contributing to my decision, so stay tuned.

Goals for age 19: to live my (Sarah's) mantra, to be in a relationship (with a great person of course, granted they come around), to be more carefree and upbeat, and to have faith that I am capable of doing everything I have signed up for, and then some.

Good night moon, please cast wide beams onto my 19 year old path :)
xoxox

Tuesday 12 July 2011

Chicken Wings and Kamboocha

Thanks Rick, for the name idea, with special side note that maybe my post would come up for people who are googling chicken wing recipes :p

Chicken Wings gained new meaning for me today, meaning clipping chicken wings, of live chickens. This seemed like a torturous task at first, but grabbing and then clipping the chickens (with garden sheers, I might add) wasn't even that mean, or that hard! I had some trouble at first being authoritative to the chickens and just grabbing them without being scared away by their flapping wings, but by chicken number 3 I had it down. We clipped the wings of the chickens so they can't fly over the top of their pen and get eaten by raccoons (one of which we are trying to catch and drown D: ) or other pesky animals because 28 have been eaten already! I also mucked out their coop today which was quite shitty... literally (maybe if I start swearing in my blogs I'll start doing it in real life?). I shoveled out all of the old, stinky newspaper and replaced it with fresh paper which was very satisfying after the back breaking work was over. It was hard because the coop is so small and the shovel was so long I would end up running the end of it into something or me and just making it hard to move.

There are a lot of kids here, which I love, and I can't wait for Galen and Zekiah (Sarah and Rick's kids) to get back from their trip. Rick and I had dinner alone tonight as Sarah was out with "the girls" celebrating her birthday, and we cooked up a delicious soup from some things that were laying around. After dinner came the Koombacha. Now, the only reason that this name sounded familiar to me was that my crazy mother drinks it. We had to make and steep the tea and then add it to the fermenting bacteria which is this large jelly-like disc called a scoby which makes the tea much more sour and bubbly. It's quite an interesting process, and though I really respect Koombacha as a beverage, I can't see myself drinking it more than every once in a while, but I have the recipe now!!

To finish off a great first day, Rick and I went in the hot tub and then jumped in the col shower and back in the hot tub again. I felt like a dessert: maybe a warm brownie with cold vanilla ice cream, and my skin was my tongue experiencing the two temperatures as they bounced off of one another.

Other info:
I am getting a zit on my chin.
I feel really guilty about not exercising today, but I just couldn't find the time... snoozing my alarm was the worst decision I could have made :(
Quaker is the religion that intrigues me the most right now... I am really excited about exploring it more
Second hand stores are the best!! I was to buy all of my dishes and kitchen supplies there when I'm older... I wish we had more in the states. Sarah bought some lamp shades today that she is going to cover, and a hideous needlepoint she is going to cut the fabric off of and make a chalk board out of a frame. She is also in the process of making a "family tree" shower curtain... she is so creative!

Also-- When we were in the city for the wedding, we went to see a former Smithsonian exhibit at the JP Morgan Library about Lists, and I have decided I am going to set up my life in lists because they capture important things, and summarize what is on your mind. I just love making lists! So, I would like to finish with my most recent list:
How to get to Wildside Farm on Bench rd. in Duncan, BC:
1) Wake up SUPER early (3:50 AM), necessarily early for a 6 am flight, but get to the airport and realize your flight doesn't leave until 7 (story of my life)
2) Struggle to get comfortable on the plane (because you absolutely need to sleep after only getting 4 hours last night) and finally give up, spending $3.00 on a paper thin blanket and a blow up pillow (yes, I was resting my head on a balloon)
3) Sleep most of the way and start Soul Surfer just as the plane is landing, but fast forward through the part where the shark bites her arm off (once in my life is enough to watch that part)
4) Get flustered at customs during the interrogation, even though I'm doing nothing wrong
5) Buy a bus ticket, eat a bagel from somewhere that starts with an H?
6) Board the bus to Victoria and listen to the entertaining family behind me (young couple and 2 year old son from Georgia)/play with the baby a little bit
7) Bus gets on ferry, wander around wishing you had people to talk to, try to sit outside before deciding it's too cold, complyingly look at the Killer Whales after an announcement is made on the loudspeaker and wonder why you're not more excited about it
8) Board the bus again and arrive at a teeny tiny station in Victoria
9) Book greyhound to Duncan (doesn't leave for 2 hours), ask the lady if you can store your bag, and when she says no defiantly drag it around Victoria
10) Buy and eat Chocolate Covered Marshmallows, a dark chocolate Mogul (caramel/almond/chocolate cluster) and 2 scoops of gelato on a cone
11) Take pictures of random scenery, contemplate taking selfies but feel dumb
12) Drag suitcase back to the bus station and ride to Duncan
13) Wait around at the bus station, but are finally greeted by two of the most warm people you have ever met
14) On the ride home find out you and Sarah share the same birthday, and have Rick offer to take you to the bar since you will be legal ;)
15) Arrive at Paradise

Sarah just came in and gave me a birthday hug after her night out... it is nearly 3 AM in NJ after all. She said her friends all made wishes for her, and even though she is turning 42 they said they hope this is only half way through their friendship together. I know they will be friends until 84, she is everything wonderful. I hope I have friends like that.

With that, as my good friend and mentor at Lake Placid Synchro camp would say: Good Night Moon, and Cailin, if it's ok with you I would like to sign my blog this way...

Good Night Moon-- it's a wonderful life :)
xoxox

Last day to be 18

I guess this is appropriate, to be starting my blog on "my last day to be 18" as my mother so lovingly reminded me on the phone yesterday... but somehow I never get nostalgic over these things.

So welcome to my blog. Bienvenidos, glad you could make it, I hope you find it entertaining/insightful or worthwhile. The name, Pomegranates and Passersby is one that very few people understand, but one that will always be with me and part of my identity as the name of my Kalamazoo College radio station this winter. I had my own station, and I think now I have my own blog, because there's too much in my head and I need to get it out there. I feel better already! Pomegranates and Passersby represents the unexpected nuances of life that could make your day or week... silly things that make you happy (Pomegranates), and the incredible people that make up this world, so many that we will never get to meet, but how we are a collage of everyone that is important to us, with our own hearts and souls at the core of course (Passersby). The two works together just mean: anything and everything in this crazy mind of mine. It just moves too fast.

This was also supposed to be my week without phone or internet, but that's so hard to manage these days. I am staying on Wildside Farm for 10 days on the Vancouver Island, with Sarah and Rick Juliusson and their two sons. I had this romantic fantasy that I would be able to pack up all of my electronic devices and retreat into solitude from my contact with the outside world, but alas: my ethernet cord plugged in next to my bedside table has mysteriously found my computer, and I have checked both email and facebook twice on under 24 hours (gasp). I am unsure how I will regulate this for myself now that I have set up such an important connection with the outside world (you, through this blog).

Basically I have come to terms with a few things... that it is very possible to live simply (homestead, as Sarah and Rick have done), and include internet in that life. I can totally wipe my butt with cloth wipes and update my facebook status in the same day. It really works. It's the obsession and anxiety I have created over myself in terms of the amount that I rely on electronic devices that I am trying to break. I am really struggling with that!

So yes, today is my last day to be 18... and what a year it has been. In a way I have entered a really strange, scary, questioning place in my life, one that definitely came from going away to school and just trying to figure out who I am, but I'm hoping that by turning 19 I can become more comfortable with myself and settle into my identity... except that there are so so many things still cooking in my head that I don't know how I feel about! So, so many things. But they are coming clear to me, slowly but surely, and one of them has today and yesterday.

I have witnessed true love, and true love in a marriage an family... true love that I want to emulate. Until now I have had no faith in marriage, and thought that one simple label could really ruin everything that two people have together. It's not necessarily the fighting and the conflict that causes this to happen, but just the distance that people tend to create with one another through marriage and family, and their inability to retain the initial excitement and inseparability that comes with the climax of love (or movie love at least). I know that every couple had that: that time when they were absolutely obsessed with one another, but I don't know very many couples that have kept it through the house-buying and baby-making, through the carpools and financial troubles, but Sarah and Rick are still "madly in love" and they're right at the peak of their family, and when I'm in a serious and possible married relationship, I want it to be like theirs. And you know why they are like this? It's because they see each other all of the time, and talk about almost everything, and know how they differ, and embrace it light heartedly or make fun of each other. The constantly embrace one another, or tap each other on the nose lovingly, to maintain their fascination or appreciation that they have for each other, and I know it will never go away. So: good news, I know it is out there, it just needs the right lifestyle and effort and mix of personalities to achieve it, but how do I get there?

Today, Rick made me aware of my punctuation use, especially exclamation points, because he READS THEM AS THOUGH I'M TALKING LIKE THIS!!!!! So here is a quick summary of my text-talk:
I want to go to the beach. (neutral, and a little regretful, but just solemn and normal)
I want to go to the beach! (just with a little more excitement and optimism... nothing too overwhelming)
I want to go to the beach!! (kind of more like a "pick me, pick me!" kind of approach)
I WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH!!!! (so so excited, like I really, really want to go)

I don't really know if that was necessary, but here's to a great day 1 of blogging, and being at Wildside Farm, and a great day 365 of being 18.

xoxox